A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
