I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
