hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
