I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
