WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
