What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
