pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
