Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
