You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
