Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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