and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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