I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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