the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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