I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
