He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
