very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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