He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
