Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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