I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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