with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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