I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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