i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this beer tastes like vomit already
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
