I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
