I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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