Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
