what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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