hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
