Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Randomize