Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
