he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
