He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
