If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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