bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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