what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
