I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
