I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
