I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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