no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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