I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
