i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
