im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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