i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I deserve this hangover.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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