I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
