Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize