i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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