What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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