I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
