Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
