I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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