Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
