He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
organizing the empties. That sober.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
