hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize