How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
