i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
