Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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