So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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