and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
