I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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