I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
