It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
