dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
