Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
smell my finger.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
