She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
