Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
